Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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