oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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