Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
