I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
