Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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