why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
