Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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