Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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