Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
