Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
