I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
