You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize