Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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