dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
