And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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