i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
