low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
