It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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