I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
