Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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