been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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