Me. At least after what I've been through.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Randomize
