So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
