I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
