Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
