what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize