Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
