She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
