just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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