his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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