dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
