My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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