What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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