Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
