Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
