Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
