The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
