so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
