Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
