Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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