I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
