you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
