He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
