Buhtt sex?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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