mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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