I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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