So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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