Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm at about main and main street
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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