HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
