Don't make out with my wife yet
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
