He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
