I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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