her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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