I am puke
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
