Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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