I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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