I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
