I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
