He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
