So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
